


The 13th Pendulum

by bulgogi



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Doctor/Patient, Heavy Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-11
Updated: 2017-09-11
Packaged: 2018-12-17 14:00:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11853054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bulgogi/pseuds/bulgogi
Summary: For Jongin, saving Kyungsoo takes a lot of time (literally).





	The 13th Pendulum

**Author's Note:**

> old title: Temporal Loop   
> cross-posted on [AFF](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1031628/1/the-13th-pendulum-angst-exo-kai-kyungsoo-kaisoo-doctorau/)

05/31/12  
10:20 am

“You’re late.” Kyungsoo said with a dripping disappointment tone in his voice. I bit back my monotone ‘Always’ as I’ve already memorized the statements he’ll give me if I’ll say it again. Something in between of ‘Doctors can’t be late with their most important patient.. like ever, remember? And ‘Time is gold’!’

“Sorry baby.” And I really am. I can’t believe my facial muscles can still plaster a weak smile after a 72 hours shift which composed of two heart surgeries. I take his hand and kiss each knuckle gently; the hint smell of the disinfectant gives me a slight nauseous feeling at the same time an energy that no amounts of black coffee, tons of vitamin and power naps can compare to. 

“Oh cut it Doctor Kim. If you were thinking that I’ve already forgotten the consequences of you being late AGAIN, then you are absolutely wrong Sir. You’ll still pay for our today’s date..” Deep down I know he’s dead serious and I’m cool with it but I can’t help to let a melodious laugh out. I don’t know.. I can’t explain the heavenly effect of Do Kyungsoo in my life. He’s just standing right here, sun rays kissing his porcelain skin, arms crossing, effortlessly being cute. It always got me every time.. like right now, the mere action is enough for me to cave in his pulling charms. 

“You know I’m genuinely sorry right? You know I always do.” I whisper to him while tightening my grip on his waist. “Quit it, people are staring.” He weakly protest, trying to escape at the same time. 

“They’re just jealous.” And it’s not a complete lie to be honest in my opinion. I turned him to face me and that’s the moment I’ve got a taste of what’s mine again – that heart shaped-lips of his. Kyungsoo’s expression right now made me remember my patient last week who’s suffering from a ‘butterfly rash’ but in Kyungsoo’s present case, he got it from a kiss of a hot doctor and not from some sort of an allergy. I didn’t know the latter was far more dangerous. 

When he got back to his senses, that’s the time he starts (lightly) punching me at my right arm blabbering “You pervert doctor! I will not buy that stupid lame kiss just so you know.” 

“But we know you want more than that baby.” I teased and was about to pinch his reddening cheeks when he dodged it as he ran crossing the road shouting incredulously loud giggling , “In your nightmare Doctor Quack!” when…

He was caught by a taxi.  
A white taxi.  
It has a red neon sign that read on-duty.  
Kyungsoo ignored the green traffic light sign. Again.  
He was always impatient. Indeed a reckless patient. 

It was only this time the traffic light changes from red to green and people starts running now from where Kyungsoo is. I was about to do the same thing, but instead of running to help him.. to save him like what I’ve been doing for almost.. five? six years? I just stayed here while trying to comprehend what just happened. Or if this is really happening in the first place?

Maybe this was just a dream or a nightmare rather.. Maybe this was just an awful dream after a nine hours operation with my patient earlier - Oh Sehun. Maybe I’ve finally managed to convinced my secretary Chanyeol to adjust all of my appointment to atleast take a half an hour nap after a half day meeting with all of hospital head staff today. Another possible scenario was interrupted by a loud ticking of my watch.

This is not happening. Wrong. This is not true. Wrong. I need to wake up. Wrong. No, this is not happening.. again. Wrong. 

Against my will, I took a glanced at my watch and horribly saw the digits that read as  
10:31 am.

 

05/30/12  
01:12 pm

“What time do you want to go to the museum tomorrow?” I asked Kyungsoo who was busy watching the passing gray at the window. If I didn’t know him better, I’ll just probably brush the sleepy pissy mood off and will think maybe he’s just having a tardy bed-weather episode but considering that I’ve memorized everything about him, the reason surely lies with the fact that I did not managed to get out of my office 12 minutes ago (of course I blame Chanyeol for not waking me up) And that completes ‘Why is my Kyungsoo ignoring me again’ puzzle for today.

Still hoping for some response, I continue flipping through the pages of the menu filling in the silence that slowly sips in. Just when I was about to call the waiter he asked “What about 10:00 am?” 

“No!” He was startled with my loud decline, causes the two tables to turn around and gave us a questioning look. He was hyper aware that something was odd, “U-uhm, I don’t know.. It’s just.. giving me a bad feeling that I’ll be late if its 10:00 am? So.. I was thinking if we could just go arou—“

Kyungsoo frowned, “Huh? I thought you’ve already settle this with Doctor Kim Junmyeon. Are you lying straight to my face again Kim Jongin?” He questioned or more likely accused. In my peripheral vision, I saw the waiter who step back sensing that maybe we’re still not ready to order our food yet. I sighed before answering him, remembering the urgent meeting at 1:30 pm at the same time. Dammit, I don’t have time for this petty argument again with Kyungsoo. “Tomorrow Doctor Junmyeon will call me to help him in one of his scheduled operation.. for Doctor Byun will attend some meeting. Plus, there will be an accident that will cause a two hours traff—“

“I knew it. The moment I saw you earlier..” I’ve noticed Kyungsoo biting his lips hard, a bad habit whenever his nervous. “Kai.. You’re Kai.. right?” 

“How many times should I drill in that skull of yours that calling me with that name is strongly forbidden?” I hissed. 

“You’re scaring me.. Stop” And that brings me back to my reverie. Apologize spilled immediately just in time Kyungsoo tears falls on his cheeks. I held his hand across the table. It’s getting smaller I’ve noticed. He’s staring at my shaking hands. I’m terrified as well.. I’m terrified as the day where I can no longer hold this hand will come again.. 

..tomorrow..  
and I will not allow that.. 

**  
03:54 pm

And because our supposed to be (late) lunch date was long forgotten, we end up cuddling instead in a couch watching Kyungsoo’s favorite film – A story sadder than sadness. 

It’s still a big mystery for me as on how a person can cry over a movie like you’re watching it for the very first time.. every time. Like right now. Kyungsoo is doing it again. Whenever I raised the question he’ll just quickly dismissed it by questioning me in return asking ‘How can someone be so cruel and write the most tragic plot in the century?’ like a 24/7 busy doctor has a single clue.

I’m more of a wikipedia(ing)-the-plot-instead of a person. In short, I’m not into movies, so right now I’m more focused on counting Kyungsoo’s hearbeat repeatedly, applying basic knowledge I’ve learned in medschool regarding the normal range of a person’s heartbeat. I’ve got distracted in my twelfth time checking when Kyungsoo asked for my attention, tearing his gaze away from the dancing colors in television. “Jongin?” I’ve recognized those lines again denoting that we’re nearing to the plot twist of the movie. “Yes Hyung?” I teased. I was expecting a (light) punch in my chest when he abruptly decided not to, “Nothing important, never mind.” He returns his attention to the movie as his favorite scene is now playing. 

“I mind. I always do.” I don’t know if I said it out loud or it just something that I said to myself, for silence began to creep again as Kyungsoo cries harder compared to the other days we’ve decided to watch this movie again. I’m not opening the topic but I guess Kyungsoo’s medication made him more sensitive or emotional in some aspects. I’ve decided to check those later but right now..

“Hyung.” Winning Kyungsoo’s attention right now is like winning a competition I didn’t sign up to I swear. I’ll bet my heart he’ll end up sleeping again after crying for a good 15 minutes straight. I’m tired of seeing him sad and I’m sure as hell he’s tired of hearing me saying this too,

‘I love you Kyungsoo’ 

I kept saying this to myself.. that this not a fucking novel of some famous author. We’re not a fiction character. For characters in those kind of stories will always have an ending for them. An ending for them that they have to deal with, because it’s not like they can protest to the one creating them for a mere purpose of entertainment in the first place right? We’re not a fairytale character either, where no matter how many trials are there for them, there will be a last page where their happy ending was written nicely. Perfectly printed in a black ink in a form of ‘and they live happily ever after.’ A happily ever after just like those in every fucking fairy tale ending adults always used as a sweet lie to lull their child to sleep..

I’m always wondering ‘Just how many pages do I need to fabricate in order for us to reach those cliché ending every couples dying to have?’ 

“I’m sorry.” Is what I’ve said instead. I can now feel the damp of sadness Kyungsoo made in my right arm. I look at the television and was greeted by the agony of the protagonist. I’m curious if Kyungsoo was thinking.. thinking that maybe we’re on the same boat with the actor and actress’ of the movie as well. Then I was reminded again that this is not a fucking novel of some famous author. This is our own reality. My love for Kyungsoo is real.. as well as the fact that I am different from Kyungsoo is real. The sad fact that what’s seems real to me is actually a lie I’ve been holding on for so many years since then. 

“Jongin, tell me we’re not gonna end up like them.. Look how empty she looks after losing the one she’ll only love in her life.” I almost end up crying with his pleading voice comprehending what he just said at the same time, then I was reminded again that we’re not a fiction character so it’s impossible. “Of course not, we’ll surely make it to our happy ending. I promise.” I hope so. He gave me a stoic expression after hearing those words from me. Like I just vomit an empty promise to an empty person. “Is that the sole reason as to why you attempt to stop my death.. again. It should be tomorrow right, Kai?” He coldy asked me releasing himself from my embrace.

“I told you not to call me by that nam—“

“Doctor Kim Jongin was the one I met before my hospital operation.. Kai.. You was the one who keeps this thing going.. Stopping every moment where I should be gone! My countless deaths. I’ve lost count for I don’t know for how many years. You.. fake fucker bring back Doctor Kim Jongin! Bring back—“ I pulled him to my chest to calm down, I kissed his temples spitting the lie ‘Don’t worry, everything is gonna be alright. Okay?’ It’s not.

“Jongin.. Kai.. whoever you are right now.. you still love me the same right?” I was not trusting my voice to answer at that moment so I’ve decided to kissed him instead. Kyungsoo smiled his approval but the smile fades away with a sorrowful look and said,

“If you love me..let me go.” 

In the background, the deafening sound of the movie ost as the credits roll reminds me that since Kyungsoo missed the last 15 minutes of the movie he’ll probably ask me again to re-watch it all over again later. Damn it.

 

01/13/13  
06:16 am

Day off with Kyungsoo feels like a year-off to me. The sounds coming from the utensils feel so foreign like it’s been years already since I’ve last cooked breakfast for Kyungsoo. Before I could free-fall to reminiscing, I catch Kyungsoo’s voice behind.

“Jongin?” Before I can turn around to hug him and give him a deserved morning kiss, he already did it to me. I can feel his arms securely wrapping around my waist and for a moment there I started to count his heart beat again. Old habits die hard they say. 

“Did I tire you too much last night?” It sounds more like a tease from a boyfriend but it’s a question straight up from a concerned doctor really. He tightens his grip and even if I cannot see Kyungsoo right now I can tell it that he’s blushing profusely. 

I’ve memorized Kyungsoo already, from how his heart beat escalate whenever I’m stealing him kisses before he takes his medications; like my kiss can cure him too, to how he (lightly) punch me at my arm whenever I’m asking him how a person can cry over a movie like you’re watching it for the very first time every single time, to his knowingly smile every time I showed up five minutes earlier to our meeting place, to his rapid breathing while calling my name endlessly when we’re making love. I’ve memorized Kyungsoo.

“Why are so early today?” I asked Kyungsoo but the moment Kyungsoo had comprehend the question he stared at me for like ten seconds, obviously waiting for me to answer my own question. I took a quick glance at the calendar on the right side and cursed internally. 

“Really Jongin?” 

Just when I thought this morning we can pretend to be like one those sickeningly sweet couple on a Norwegian drama series Junmyeon kept pestering me to watch yesterday.. 

“Happy Anniversary baby.” I want to make it sound like I was just pranking him that I forgot but he knows better in times like this. Atleast I tried. 

“Late.” He replied in a heartbeat, sitting on the table waiting for the (burnt) pancake.

**  
04:54 pm

“We’re okay now?” I asked Kyungsoo and he gave me a quick nod as an answer. We’re watching his favorite movie instead of having an early dinner at a nearby restaurant. I can tell that in a few minutes it will be the tear-jerking plot twist scene again – Kyungsoo’s fave scene and I bet my heart Kyungsoo will either fall asleep again after crying for 15 minutes straight or will praise again the protagonists by saying they should win something big for giving justice to their character along with question of ‘How can someone be so cruel and write the most tragic plot in the century?’ like a 24/7 busy doctor has a single clue. 

Tonight, I’ve decided not to witness any of those again. I’m sick of Kyungsoo crying all over again just because of a damn tragic movie. 

“Hyung.” Kyungsoo just answered me with a light hum, attention still focused on the movie.

“Hyung.” I called him again but to no avail so I lay his head to the sofa instead and then caging him with my arms. “Jongi—“ I kissed him slowly, opposite of what he prefer and after a few seconds I longingly stared at him thinking ‘when was the last time I saw him this beautiful?’ 

“Happy Anniversary.” 

Soft kisses are long forgotten as the movie brings to an end but not the melodious way Kyungsoo calls my name. Anniversaries be damned. Kyungsoo and I will be together forever anyway. Anniversary is just an earthly reminder that time is ticking and taking memories too.

 

01/10/15  
01:12 pm

“I said I don’t want it!” He was startled with my loud decline, causes the two tables to turn and gave us a questioning look. He was hyper aware that something was odd.

“Why? Don’t you want us to be family?“ Still hoping for some response, Kyungsoo continue flipping through the pages of the menu filling in the silence that slowly sips in. Just when he was about to call the waiter I answered,

“I don’t want it because I’m perfectly fine as long as I am with you. Isn’t that enough?” 

Kyungsoo frowned, “Huh? I thought we’ve already settle this? I remember you said that you want an adoption on our fourth year. Are you lying straight to my face when you said those things, Kim Jongin?” He questioned or more likely accused. In my peripheral vision, I saw the waiter who step back sensing that maybe we’re still not ready to order our food yet. I sighed before answering him, remembering the urgent meeting at 1:30 pm at the same time. Damn it, I don’t have time for this argument again with Kyungsoo. “We don’t know if he or she will regret it years later that we adopt him or her. What if we can’t be really a good parent or an acci—“

“I knew it. The moment I saw you earlier..” I’ve noticed Kyungsoo biting his lips hard, a bad habit whenever his nervous. “Kai.. You’re Kai.. right?” 

“How many times should I drill in that skull of yours that calling me with that name is strongly forbidden?” I hissed. 

“You’re scaring me.. Stop” And that brings me back to my reverie. Apologize spilled immediately just in time Kyungsoo tears falls on his cheeks. I held his hand across the table. It’s getting smaller I’ve noticed. He’s staring at my shaking hands. I’m terrified as well.. I’m terrified as the day where I can no longer hold this hand will come again.

 

04/27/14  
09:12 pm  
Rooftop

“Are you intending to hide from me your real identity Jongin?” 

I sighed ignoring the question and just enjoying the beautiful scenery tonight. We were sitting in a place where we can see hundred of stars from above. Tonight, it feels like they’re shining to illuminate Kyungsoo’s ethereal beauty. Kyungsoo noticed that I left his question hanging and was quick to change the topic by saying, “Look at the passing cars below.. it looks like stars as well.”

“You’re afraid of heights, why are we here?” I asked Kyungsoo but the moment Kyungsoo had comprehend the question he stared at me for like ten seconds, obviously waiting for me to answer my own question. When I gave him nothing but a blank stare, he gave me an eye roll as a reply and add, “Really Jongin, why? Because I know that if something bad happens to me in this very moment I bet my malfunctioned stupid weak heart that you’ll just repeat this moment in a snap of a fingers right? And then bam! We’re here again.” I bit back my monotone ‘your heart is not malfunctioned stupid and weak’ protest as I’ve already memorized the questions he’ll give me if I’ll say it again. ‘Do you think my malfunctioned stupid and weak heart will still remember your love if it happens to be replaced by a healthy one?’

 

11/17/13  
10:12 pm

“Is it delicious?” Kyungsoo asked, I gave him a nod and 2 thumbs up to his obvious question. Perfect night means to be home and be greeted by your attractive husband in an apron with a ‘Welcome back Jongin’ then a sweet chaste kiss right after.

I’ve noticed Kyungsoo’s bad habit of biting his lips but right now it’s not because he’s nervous but because he’s fighting not to cry in front of me. 

“Kyun—“

“You’re not getting sick of this are you Kai?” 

He’s not talking about his kimchi spaghetti I would love to have every single day, or the way he’s tripping on his own feet every night just to welcome me with kisses and ‘how’s your day?’,he’s surely talking about our every day’s situation, different scenario, and chances to make him stay, to make him just to be with me. He’s talking about how he knew how I manipulate the date, the time, the way he should die. 

“I know I’m sick by heart but you know what’s new? I’m sick of you too.” 

‘I’m afraid it’s near Kyungsoo.’

I really don’t know the exact time but I just can feel it that it’s near.. the time where I can no longer be with Kyungsoo in my ideal ending. 

 

12/24/12  
11:11 pm  
Cable car

“How many times should I have been..dead?” 

I sighed ignoring the question and just enjoying the beautiful scenery tonight. We were sitting in a place where we can see hundred of stars from above. Tonight, it feels like they’re shining to illuminate Kyungsoo’s ethereal beauty. Kyungsoo noticed that I left his question hanging and was quick to change the topic by saying, “Look at those giant Christmas trees below.. it looks like stars as well.”

“You’re afraid of heights, why are we here?” I asked Kyungsoo but the moment Kyungsoo had comprehend the question he stared at me for like ten seconds, obviously waiting for me to answer my own question. When I gave him nothing but a blank stare, he gave me an eye roll as a reply and add, “Really Jongin, why? Because I know that if something bad happens to me in this very moment I bet my malfunctioned stupid weak heart that you’ll just repeat this moment in a snap of a fingers right? And then bam! We’re here again… Okay maybe I forced you to sneak me out again you don’t need me to emphasize that.” 

Silence accompanied by falling snowflakes never felt this loud. 

“I’ll tell you what sucks? It’s when the doctor that should be saving you said you’re dying already. That defeats their purpose in the first place.. to save lives. Don’t you think?”

“Kyung—“ 

“But you know what sucks more? It’s when my heart beats only for that doctor.” And as to prove what he said, he placed my right hand in his chest. “This malfunctioned, stupid and weak heart.. funny how it can love but can’t even pump properly…

..I just want to die happy Jongin..”

 

01/13/13  
06:20 am 

The sounds coming from the utensils feel so foreign like it’s been years already since Kyungsoo last cooked us breakfast. 

“Guess who already got Doctor Kim’s permission to take a leave tomorrow?” 

Just before Kyungsoo can turn around to give me a proper goodmorning kiss as well, I’ve already placed my head on his shoulder giving quite attention to his sensitive neck by planting feathery kisses on top of the love marks from last night. Before Kyungsoo can protest I add, 

“But I just have to drop by to the hospital to give some files to Chanyeol.. so 10:00 AM is good?” Kyungsoo gave me a nod as an affirmation. I was about to let go when my eyes wandered again to the red patches all over his neck. The triumph smile was quickly washed by concern bringing me back from my reverie. 

“L-last night I.. I mean.. did I tire you too much?” It shouldn’t have sound like a question straight up from a concerned doctor for I know Kyungsoo despise it when I still act like one even at home. I was slow enough to rephrase my question conflicting on Kyungsoo’s ability on loosening my tight grip on his waist; he’s now standing in front of me retorting, “So what, sex is prohibited from now on too, cause you know according to damn science sex requires enough energy blah blah blah. What’s your next line after these, ‘oh I forgot you can’t breathe too?’” 

“You know damn well that’s not what I mea—“

“So what you actually meant is that I’m now too dumb to comprehend thin—“ 

I sighed before grabbing his head on my shoulder kissing his temples, calmly hushing him. “It’s just.. you look so stressed and I know it’s because of work, I felt bad cause I don’t want you to feel like you’re literally working 24/7 cause I’m a patient too you know so I act like a needy boyfriend last night.. I’m so sorry you’re probably late by now because I’m still blabbering shit at the moment but I just want to stay for another minute with us hugging, can we please?” I kissed him on the lips as an answer and for a moment there I started counting his heartbeat again. Old habits die hard they say. 

“It’s normal for now.” I’ve realized that I said that aloud when I saw Kyungsoo questioning stare, I fake a cough and said coolly, “I’m hungry.” 

“Oh right.” Just when Kyungsoo was about to reach the egg stirrer again I quickly add, “I won’t be late tomorrow I promise.” 

“You will.” Kyungsoo snarky replied like he knew the scenario by heart like it’s been played a million times right before in his eyes. 

 

02/15/15  
10:20 am

“Told you, I’m certain yesterday that you’ll be late and yes you are.” Kyungsoo said with a dripping disappointment tone in his voice. I bit back my ‘Sorry’ as I’ve already memorized the statements he’ll give me if I’ll say it again. Something in between of ‘Is my real name Kyungsorry and Sorry is my new nickname now?”

I take his hand and kiss each knuckle gently instead of an apology; the hint smell of the disinfectant gives me a slight nauseous feeling at the same time an energy that no amounts of black coffee, tons of vitamin and power naps can compare to. 

“If you’ll ask me with that prince-like tone with ‘Where shall I accompany my Princess Kyungsoo today?’ I swear I’ll castrate you right here.” Deep down I know he’s kidding but I can’t help to let a melodious laugh out. I don’t know.. I can’t explain the heavenly effect of Do Kyungsoo in my life. He’s just standing right here, sun rays kissing his porcelain skin, arms crossing, effortlessly being cute. It never failed to gets me every time.. like right now, the mere action is enough for me to cave in his pulling charms. 

“Oh right, I will not ask that. How about this, ‘Where shall I accompany my Queen Kyungsoo today?’” I asked him instead while tightening my grip on his waist. 

“As if that will make a difference...” He weakly dissent, trying to escape at the same time. “..King Jongin. Okay let me go now people are starting to stare on us.” 

“They’re just jealous.” And it’s not a complete lie to be honest in my opinion. I turned him to face me and that’s the moment I’ve got a taste of what’s mine again – that heart shaped-lips of his. Kyungsoo’s expression right now made me remember my patient last week who’s suffering from a ‘butterfly rash’ but in Kyungsoo’s present case, he got it from a kiss of a hot doctor and not from some sort of an allergy. 

When he got back to his senses, that’s the time he starts (lightly) punching me at my right arm blabbering “You pervert doctor! I will not buy that stupid lame kiss just so you know.” 

“But we know you want more than that baby.” I teased and was about to pinch his reddening cheeks when he dodged it as he ran crossing the road shouting incredulously loud giggling , “In your nightmare Doctor Quack!” when…

He was caught by a taxi.  
A white taxi.  
It has a red neon sign that read off-duty.  
Kyungsoo ignored the green traffic light sign. Again.  
He was always impatient. Indeed a reckless patient. 

It was only this time the traffic light changes from red to green and people starts running now from where Kyungsoo is. I was about to do the same thing, but instead of running to help him.. to save him like what I’ve been doing for almost.. five? six years? I just stayed here while trying to comprehend what just happened. Or if this is really happening? 

Maybe this was just a dream or a nightmare rather.. Maybe this was just an awful dream after a nine hours operation with my patient earlier - Oh Sehun. Maybe I’ve finally managed to convinced my secretary Chanyeol to adjust all of my appointment to atleast take a half an hour nap after a half day meeting with all of hospital head staff today. Another possible scenario was interrupted by a loud ticking of my watch.

This is not happening. Wrong. This is not true. Wrong. I need to wake up. Wrong. No, this is not happening.. again. Wrong. 

Against my will, I took a glanced at my watch and horribly saw the digits that read as  
Time’s up!

****

 

“That’s amazing mister, can you do that in my case? I heard my mom and my doctor that I only have 4 years and that I was incurable now..” the little boy pleads to the man in front of him. The said man smile nodding and said, “Of course, If I have done it to my husband I can also do the same thing to you. Do you really want that?” the little boy beamed at the reply but quickly changed to being terrified when the door of his room was open by his mom glaring at the man sitting beside him in his bed. 

“Nurse! Nurse” the old lady was screaming in horror that got our attention immediately. We quickly went to the said room to know what’s wrong.

“Take that man away, hurry!” I take a glance at the man sitting in front of a little boy not wearing the same smile earlier. My two buddies calmly escort the said man while exiting the said room. “I’m sorry this will never happen again Ma’am.” I apologized keeping my head low hoping to ease the evident worry of the old lady.

The little boy seems disappointed to what happened to the said man and begins to cry out loud saying, “You can’t take Mister away.. he’s the only way who can sav—“ the mom was hushing the little boy soothing him promises that maybe tomorrow the said man can come over again for a visit. I doubt that though. 

Before I can finally make my way out of the room to continue with our daily activities, I found myself telling a little bit of information about the said man earlier.

“It’s been a week since I saw that man in here? What happened to him? I mean.. he’s roaming around in this floor but I can clearly remember those patients should be on the fourth floor right?” 

“Kim Jongin, 45 years old. He’s suffering from pseudologia fantastica also known as mythomania. He’s a former doctor actually in some provincial hospital.” 

I really can’t tell the expression the old lady is wearing right now; maybe it’s a pity then? I’m not sure but one thing is certain – she’s expecting for me to continue..

“Well it all started as some kind of mental disturbance at first after an accident – a car accident with his husband and their son actually. His husband was suffering that time of some kind of rare disease I guess.. sorry I can’t totally remember that part. So back to the story, they went to have a weekend vacation to unwind or something before his husband’s operation but little they know that the said ‘weekend vacation’ will result to a tragic car accident..

“He went through some shock therapy that causes partial memory loss.. permanent memory loss at some unlucky patient.. maybe lucky at some. And that results to his different version of his life.. sometimes he used to be a rich politician of a small country, sometimes a musician at some random streets in New York, a lonely ballet instructor at some prestige entertainment, a genie in some old fairytale, a normal college student taking art related course, an actor with lots of Oscar award winning movies, and he’s recent time traveler of some sorts.. I think it’s the closest to what really happened to him when he’s still normal.. I mean before the accident. 

The old lady is now giving me a sorrowful look yet I can see it thorough that she’s thinking that this is not-so-professional of me blabbering patient information to some random guardian in a pediatric section.

“I don’t know that’s how tragic his life is.” 

‘Tragic is just an understatement’ I thought bitterly. And for the second time around, I apologize as I tried to exit the room again before she asked me her last question. 

“That’s an awful scar on your arm.. Where did you get that?” 

Oh. I didn’t notice I’ve been rubbing the said ugly scar absentmindedly since I started talking to the old lady. Old habits die hard they say. 

“As far as I can remember I got it from an accident when I was 2 and half years old... ” 

Life flashes before my eyes from the moment there as my heart starts to beat faster in an irregular rhythm. I can feel my breath becoming shallow as I fought back the tears that starting to sting my eyes and threatens to spill in any minute. Everything came back to me, like an imaginary clock starts moving counterclockwise faster than my heart beat.

“I—“

“Jongsoo!” I looked at Baekhyun who is now taken aback with the scene he saw when he open slightly the door. His wearing an expression like he disturbed an important part in a drama where the minor character will reveal himself as a major character any moment right now.

“U-uhm, we just want to ask you out for lunch? Jongdae’s treat.” He said hastily, sensing some tension in the air.

“Sure.” I curtly said. Baekhyun nods and quickly went outside, Just before I exit the room for real now, I whisper to an old lady. “You know what sucks with scars? It’s like a tattoo from a traumatic experience. It reminds you of past you want to forget but you can’t because you’ll be reminded by the scar. Every.single.time. But you know what sucks more? It’s when the mind still plays what the heart can’t erase.”

The old lady didn’t say anything after that,just averting her gaze to the the falling snowflakes on the window pane. Silence accompanied by falling snowflakes never felt this loud. Not until now.

**Author's Note:**

> this was supposed to be messy cause this was only what's inside jongin's bubble? iykwim (reasons, reasons to save the crappy work) anyway fact for the day: this was actually a tagalog fanfic (written 4 years ago; will revise that as well after this) roughly translated in eng (again) by yours truly only so please excuse to all grammar nazi out there. screams. to be honest i’m still not contented by the way this fic turns out but oh well. i’m thinking of a prequel, a jongsoo sidestory and a smut spin-off but idk maybe next year? and please ignore all those time lapses cause.. you know why. and fyi more than blue or a story sadder than sadness is a legit korean tragic movie and no this was not inspired from that.


End file.
